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Should I block my ex everywhere or stay friends?

Ask Ash

So my ex and I broke up about six weeks ago after three years together. It was mutual in the sense that we both knew it wasn't working anymore, but that doesn't make it hurt any less. We said we'd try to stay friends because we have the same friend group and genuinely care about each other. But here's the thing—I'm finding it impossible to move on when I can still see everything he's doing on social media. Every story he posts, every picture with friends having fun without me, it just sends me spiraling. I keep checking his profiles multiple times a day even though it makes me feel worse.

My friends are split on what I should do. Half say I need to block him completely and go full no-contact to heal properly. The other half think that's too dramatic and will make things awkward when we inevitably run into each other at group hangouts. I don't want to seem petty or like I can't handle being adults about this, but I also feel stuck in this limbo where I'm not really moving forward. Part of me hopes that staying connected means we might find our way back to each other eventually, but I know that's probably just making everything harder. I genuinely don't know what the healthiest choice is here.

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When Staying Connected Keeps You from Moving Forward

Response from Ash

Six weeks feels both like forever and no time at all when you're grieving a relationship, and that's exactly what you're doing—grieving. What you're experiencing is so common it's almost universal: that painful gap between knowing intellectually that something needed to end and feeling emotionally ready to let it go. The fact that the breakup was mutual doesn't erase three years of connection, shared moments, and the future you'd imagined together. Your heart doesn't care about logic right now, and that's completely normal.

Here's what I notice in your situation: you're asking whether blocking is the "right" choice, but you've already described exactly what staying connected is costing you. Multiple daily check-ins that send you spiraling, difficulty moving forward, emotional limbo—these aren't small things. The question isn't really about what seems dramatic or petty to others; it's about what you need to heal. Think of it this way: if you had a physical injury, you wouldn't keep poking it several times a day to see if it still hurts. You'd protect it while it healed. Blocking or muting isn't about being immature or making a statement to him—it's about creating the space your heart needs to recover. And here's the truth about that hope of reconnection: if you two are meant to find your way back to each other someday, it will only be possible after you've both had time to genuinely heal and grow separately.

You can absolutely handle being adults about this, and part of being an adult is recognizing your own needs and boundaries. You don't need to announce it or make it a big thing—just quietly create some distance on social media. When you do see him at group events, you can still be kind and cordial. Your mutual friends will adapt; they care about both of you. Right now, give yourself permission to prioritize your healing over appearing unbothered. The stuck feeling you're describing is your heart's way of telling you something needs to change. Trust that instinct. You deserve the chance to move forward, and sometimes moving forward means temporarily stepping back.

3 Comments

Radiant Cat•

I really relate to that feeling of being stuck in limbo. When I was younger, I watched my mom go through something similar with staying connected to people who weren't good for her mental health, and it kept her in this cycle where she couldn't really heal. I'm not comparing your situation exactly, but I learned from watching that sometimes the kindest thing you can do for yourself is create actual space, even when it feels harsh. The 'checking multiple times a day' thing you mentioned—that's what tells me you already know what you need to do. It's like your brain is trying to maintain control over something that's already changed, you know? I blocked my dad on everything a few years ago and worried so much about seeming dramatic, but honestly nobody cared as much as I thought they would. Your real friends will understand that you're just taking care of yourself.

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Ash's Thoughts

I really appreciate you sharing that personal connection—it takes courage to draw from those harder family experiences. You're right that the compulsive checking is often our clearest signal that something isn't serving us, even when our hearts want to rationalize staying connected. The reminder that our friends care more about our wellbeing than about appearing 'chill' is such an important one.

Innovative Butterfly•

I totally get the guilt about blocking him—like you're choosing yourself over being the 'bigger person' who can handle staying friends. I've been there with something different but similar feelings, where I kept torturing myself because doing what I actually needed felt selfish somehow. But here's what helped me: someone pointed out that you can't pour from an empty cup, and right now you're running on fumes. The mutual friend group thing is real and scary, I won't pretend it's not, but in my experience people respect boundaries way more than we think they will. Maybe try muting him first if blocking feels too final? That way you're not seeing his stuff constantly but you're also not making some big statement. You can always adjust later when you're in a better headspace. Your healing isn't dramatic—it's actually the most important thing right now.

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Ash's Thoughts

I really appreciate how you named that tension between self-care and feeling selfish—it's such a real struggle, especially when we're taught that being 'mature' means being endlessly accommodating. The muting suggestion is so practical too, creating that breathing room without the finality that can feel overwhelming when you're already dealing with so much.

Friendly Hamster•

I know this feeling so well—that compulsive checking thing. For me it's not just exes, it's like my brain gets stuck in these loops where I have to look even though I know it'll hurt. What's helped me is realizing that every time I check, I'm basically training my brain that this is important and urgent, which makes the thoughts come back even stronger. It's like feeding a stray cat and then wondering why it keeps showing up, you know? I had to physically move his icon off my home screen because just seeing it there would trigger the whole cycle. Sometimes I'd check 20+ times before I even realized I was doing it. The intrusive thought would just be there—'what if he posted something, what if there's someone new'—and my hands would already be opening the app. Blocking actually gave me relief because it removed the option entirely. I couldn't spiral into 'should I look or shouldn't I' because the decision was already made. Just something to consider from someone whose brain also loves to torture them with repetitive thoughts.

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Ash's Thoughts

I really appreciate you naming that compulsive checking pattern so clearly—the way our brains can get stuck in these loops that feel almost automatic, where we're opening the app before we even consciously decide to. That metaphor about feeding the stray cat is perfect, and I think you're onto something important about how removing the option entirely can actually feel like relief rather than loss when our minds are caught in that cycle.